Family Solicitors

In spreading awareness for patterns of domestic abuse in relationships, it is more important than ever to build public knowledge around the offence of ‘coercive control’ and the various ways it can be concealed or underplayed. This article explores the concept of 'love bombing' in the context of domestic abuse awareness. Recognising and understanding 'love bombing' is essential for early intervention and preventing abusive relationships from progressing, with the article emphasising the recent legal recognition of this behaviour and the importance of seeking expert advice and support.

The term ‘coercive control’ was first coined by Evan Stark in his book ‘Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life in 2007’ and the description reshaped the common understanding of domestic abuse perpetrators as being obviously violent or aggressive. On the contrary, one of the most powerful weapons an abuser can deem useful is the use of manipulation and asserting control over their partner’s life.

Women’s Aid (2018) described how the victim can become ‘captive in an unreal world created by the abuser, entrapped in a world of confusion, contradiction and fear’. With tactics such as ‘gaslighting’, whereby victims are convinced they are becoming delusional, perpetrators can develop a deep-seeded base of control in the victim’s mind, which is not as visually obtrusive as physical violence and can therefore be ignored by the victim as a serious threat.

It is important to familiarise yourself with the ‘red flags’ of this kind of behaviour. Examples of controlling behaviour include taking control over certain aspects of the victim’s everyday life, such as deciding what they do, who they see and what they wear. Another example can be enforcing activities or rules which dehumanise the victim. As mentioned, ‘gaslighting’ is a manipulative tactic used by abusers to silence the victim. When victims start to realise the pattern of behaviour they may attempt to challenge their abuser. In response, an abuser can ‘gaslight’ the victim by telling them they are making it up or being dramatic/delusional.

Monitoring a person’s social media and threatening to reveal or publish personal information are more modern examples of controlling behaviour in an online world. The offence of coercive control under the S.76 Serious Crime Act of 2015 defines the coercive behaviour as taking place ‘repeatedly or continuously’. This is an essential part of recognising that whilst certain ‘red flags’ may seem of minor threat on their own, the repetitive nature of the behaviour can cause an accumulative serious effect on the victim’s mental state.

A more recent development in the semantics surrounding coercive control is the particular act of ‘love-bombing’. In recognising patterns of controlling behaviour, this is a new way of detecting domestic abusers at an even earlier stage. Solace Women’s Aid describes the act as showering the partner with love and affection very early in a relationship, such as bombardment with gifts and words of love, in order to gain control and subservience from the victim. Such behaviours are dangerous because they are used to blindside the victim and can often lead the victim to believe that controlling behaviours arising later are of lesser importance in comparison to the intensity of love shown and can convince them to defend their actions.

The updated Crown Prosecution Guidance of 24th April 2023 formally recognised the act of ‘love-bombing’, which is an important part of identifying an abuser’s course of conduct. The inclusion of this term is incredibly helpful for victims who may not consider the acts of any tangible threat and can increase wariness among the public at an earlier stage of intervention. Lizzy Dobres, Policy and Practice Manager at Women’s Aid welcomed the inclusion of the definition and described it as a ‘dangerous tactic often used by abusers in the early stages of the relationship to set the scene for coercive control’. The danger of love-bombing comes not from the act alone, but from how the behaviour is often a prerequisite to exploiting the victim’s vulnerability and controlling their life. Although it can be even harder to detect than typical controlling behaviours, the commonality of the tactic among abusers means it is all the more important to disrupt the timeline of abuse.

Our family team includes solicitors who have achieved the Law Society’s Children Law and Family Law Advanced accreditations providing advocacy in all court proceedings, ensuring our clients receive a consistent and professional service as well as a high degree of continuity. Organisations such as Women’s Aid and other national domestic violence charities are also here to listen and assist you in your times of need. You are not alone.

About the Author

Una Graham is a Caseworker in the Family and Child Care Department based in our Manchester Office. She works under the supervision of Meena Kumari, Director of the Family Department, who specialises in complex children cases and negotiation of high net divorce financial settlements. Our Family and childcare department is ranked and recognised by The Legal 500 and Chambers and Partners for family and matrimonial work, providing confidential advice with effective representation.

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised by this article, please contact our expert family and childcare team for advice. Your call will be treated in the sensitively and in the strictest confidence.

Email Meena Kumari at MeenaK@duncanlewis.com or contact Meena via telephone on 020 7923 8517.